


Against the Water's Sky

by shaypotter



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, He likes her SO MUCH OKAY, Pre-Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 23:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16942647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaypotter/pseuds/shaypotter
Summary: He is anchored here, to this moment and this woman, by nothing but the tether of her hands on his.





	Against the Water's Sky

Jester leans her forearms against the railing of the ship, face turned up towards the mid afternoon sun on a rare moment without work. She’s dressed in clothes loaned from the crew of the Squall-Eater, as her own dresses and armors are rather unnecessary this far out to sea. The trousers are a bit short on her, landing at her calves and the shirt is sleeveless, leaving her toned arms exposed. Despite the ill-fitting clothing Jester looks like she belongs here out on the water. 

Caleb admires her from a shaded spot across the deck, the open book across his lap long forgotten. He had come out here to get some time alone, to sort through his worries for Fjord and his true intentions with the orbs, but he hadn’t gotten far along in his thinking before Jester had unknowingly joined him on the deck. His need for solitude vanishes and he tucks the book back in his halter before quietly making his way across the deck. 

He settles into the space next to her and huffs out a laugh as Jester releases a startled squeak. Caleb’s fingers twitch with the urge to reach out and brush along her cheek, to feel if it’s soaked up the sun’s rays like he imagines it has. He wants to tug on a strand of slightly curling locks made damp by the sea’s spray. Caleb wants… So many different things. But instead he copies her position, forearms against the banister, and watches the ocean. 

Caleb knows what he deserves. He knows his value - or more accurately, his lack of it. To imagine that he could be worthy of someone like _Jester_ is laughable. It’s a pleasant fantasy, one he comforts himself with late at night when he dreams of fire licking up the side of his childhood home. He lays shaking in his bed and pictures a world where he could roll over and bury his face in Jester’s neck, hiding the tears that escape while she holds him close. She would whisper songs to him, or stories the Traveler would’ve told her when she was sad as a child, and Caleb would know that he was safe. 

And on nights where she misses her mother and her home… Caleb would be there for her, too. He would pull her smaller form into his chest and ask her about her joyful memories of growing up. She would talk for hours and he would let her, just content to listen to her voice excitedly tell tales until they could both drift off. 

He wishes he had the chance to protect her heart, to be worthy of it, to do something right in this lifetime. 

“My mama would love this,” she whispers to Caleb, her eyes never leaving the horizon. Caleb’s heart gives a painful little thump. The longing is so clear in her voice that his breathing falters for a moment. For someone who smiles and laughs so much, Jester can always surprise him with the depth of her pain. 

He clears his throat and shuffles awkwardly at her side. He should offer her comfort. Pat her on the back, tell her they will bring her mother out here one day to witness the wonders of the world. Instead, he blurts, “Ja. My mutter...” Caleb grits his teeth against the pain of speaking, of the image of his mother’s soft face and grey-blue eyes. “My mother. She would’ve loved this, too.” Caleb focuses his gaze on Jester’s face and knows deep inside that she would have loved Jester as well. Her kindness, her humor, and her need to protect those closest to her. All the qualities that Caleb adores. 

Jester keeps her eyes glued to the ocean, silent and still at his side. Caleb fights the urge to walk away from his faux pas and to burn off the anger churning deep in his gut. Why couldn’t he have said something comforting, something normal? Why did he have to steal this beautiful moment next to the brightest spot in his life and bury it in the shadow of all his mistakes? 

A hand closes around his shaking fist. Caleb starts, so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed Jester move. She’s holding his hand with both her little blue ones and looking up at him with a smile that makes his heart ache in the best way. “We will just have to enjoy it for them, you know? It’s what our mamas would want.” Jester watches him with something like understanding and Caleb wants to protect himself, pull away and hide from that knowing gaze but he’s dumbstruck in the face of her gentle smile. 

“She would… She would’ve been happy,” he admits through the lump in his throat. “She wanted me to see the world. To become something... great.” Caleb can feel himself floating away, his body stuck on the deck and his mind returning to a dark night and flames licking up towards the sky and the cries - 

“I bet your mama is really happy then. Since you’re already so great.” Caleb is tugged right back into his body, his hand still held carefully between Jester’s. He is anchored here, to this moment and this woman, by nothing but the tether of her hands on his. 

Somewhere during their time together he has entirely lost control of a safe distance between them. He’s let her get too close, see far too much, and he doesn’t think he’s strong enough to push her away now. Not now that he gets these tiny glimpses of a life he could’ve deserved with her had his choices been different. 

He is completely shaken at the idea that Jester could view him that way, could see anything resembling greatness in this broken and empty shell. In another fit of perceptiveness that Caleb does not expect, Jester pushes up onto her tiptoes and whispers into his ear, “You are a good man, Caleb. I know it. And so does your mama.” She drops back down onto the flats of her feet and squeezes his hand. 

They return to their side-by-side positions but this time she keeps ahold of his hand. Jester scoots a bit closer and allows her body to press gently against his side. It’s not forceful or demanding, merely saying - I’m here.

Caleb allows himself this moment of comfort with a woman who could ask the world of him and he would find a way to deliver. He doesn’t want a person to be his salvation, his redemption… But he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to be a better man with Jester at his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short little piece. Many thanks to this beautiful community... I love writing and it's made even sweeter by the words of encouragement from you all. 
> 
> Special thanks to LoveWithAGirl for being a bright light in my life with headcanons, fun ideas, and beautiful pictures on twitter. Go read everything posted on their AO3 -- you will adore every moment of it.


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